Frequently Asked Questions

It seems like almost every web site has a section like this, so we've got one, too. Note: The following questions and answers may not actually be about this site, or might be made up. Remember, we strive to avoid having any actual content.

Q: Has Dale, Jr. contacted you about this site?

A: No. Like most drivers on the NASCAR Winston Cup NEXTEL Cup circuit, he does not have the time to search for obscure web sites dedicated to his obscure quotes. In addition, he may have to spend what little "free time" he has on product quality control for his primary sponsor. Sponsors can be rather demanding to make sure they get the maximum value for their dollar. Look and what Ward Burton has to go through to keep his Caterpillar sponsorship. I wonder if Ward didn't do enough - he lost his ride since this was originally written.

Q: Have his attorneys or public relations people contacted you about this site?

A: No. Like most attorneys and public relations people, they do not have time to search for obscure web sites dedicated to obscure quotes made by their client. They hire people to do this (a.k.a "informants"), and all the good ones are rumored to be employed by Brooke Gordon looking for and sifting through dirt on Jeff. The whole Brooke/Jeff thing is over & settled, so who knows what the informants are up to now.

Q: Have you tried to contact Dale Jr. about this site?

A: No, not recently. Restraining Orders should always be taken seriously.

Q: There are a lot of links on this site to other companies and/or products. Are these paid sponsorships?

A: Every link on this site either is, or could be, a paid sponsorship link. We have so many companies begging for product placement here, due to the tremendous volume of viewers, that it takes a while to sign all the contracts. By some accounts (mainly ours), the traffic this site receives exceeds even the popular search engine Google. In fact, we receive so much cash that it has become a burden hauling it to the bank, and much of it fuels our fireplace during the cold Colorado winters. It helps keep the servants warm while we winter in Tahiti and enjoy the beach views while sipping Budweiser products. Actually, we have a contest going with Michael Waltrip, younger brother of Darrell Waltrip, to see who can mention the most sponsors or potential sponsors in the course of a normal conversation. (Note: Michael Waltrip may claim to know nothing about this contest. He makes this claim due to a fear of losing the contest and being required, by law, to settle up on the bet.) Michael is, for now, leading, but we're working on it. Did we mention that Michael's primary sponsor in the Winston Cup NEXTEL Cup series is NAPA Auto Parts, a company which sells quality parts at a fair price? Did we also mention that his sponsor in the Busch series is Aaron's, which makes dreams come true with quality brands you trust?

Q: Who visits this site?

A: People with too much time on there hands. According to the server log files, this site has been a topic on several race-fan related message boards, and was also quoted on a Romanian message board (why that happened is not clear). Several people have included this site in their Yahoo! profile favorites list, though that was probably accidental. In addition, we also get visitors from AOL members' personal pages. Most people, however, arrived at whothehellknows.com from search engines. The most common search phrase is "Dirty Mo Posse," which is mentioned in the Mail Bag. The greatest influx of traffic came between December 23-26, 2002.

Q: How do you keep this site content-free?

A: Hard work and dedication, but it isn't easy. Our teams spent untold minutes last month alone checking every aspect of this site to make sure that you, our infamously loyal legions of fans, wouldn't be bothered with a single scrap of content or useful information.

Q: Living in Colorado, you must drink Coors products, right?

A: Hell no. If people in Colorado actually drank those products, there wouldn't be enough left for our vast beer export market to places like California and New Jersey, where people believe Rocky Mountain Spring Water is vastly superior to "regular" water, and are willing to pay a fortune for it. Coloradoans are actually paid five cents for every Coors product that we don't drink. I made enough not drinking Coors products last year to pay for nearly a full semi-load of Bud Light. People living in St. Louis, Missouri, have a similar arrangement with Anheuser-Busch. Like Coloradoans, Missourians (or is that Missourites?) are sworn to secrecy about this arrangement, so you didn't hear about it from me.

Q: Which is your favorite football team?

A: Is this a trick question? Manchester United, of course.

Q: I found a typo on this site. Should I report it to you?

A: No. Does this site look like CNN or Fox News, where we have to be careful about accuracy in every detail?

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